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35,899 Views • Jun 29, 2024 • Click to toggle off description
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FURTHER READING
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“There is one question that, perhaps more than any other, gets to the root of who we are and what motivates us:
What did I need to do in childhood to win the support and approval of my parents?
We might - to sharpen the picture - need to lean on a few subsidiary enquiries:
To please my father, I needed to…
To please my mother, I needed to…
Not to upset my mother, I needed to…
Not to upset my father, I needed to…
Whatever might be claimed, no family ever gives its offspring unconditional love; there is always, more or less subtly, something that one has to do and to be - and other things that must at all costs be skirted…”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
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Views : 35,899
Genre: Education
Date of upload: Jun 29, 2024 ^^
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RYD date created : 2024-07-30T06:54:31.925645Z
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YouTube Comments - 45 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
My mom never wanted me to "bother" her, otherwise she would always get very angry. Its made me a pretty independent person, but also somebody who is very afraid to ask for help when they need it, for some things you just cant do without help.
38 |
What if nothing you did as a child ever granted you support and approval? As an adult now I don't blame my parents for being busy with their lives, but now I also don't have any drive or spark in general for being alive. I'm not going to kill myself but I'm okay for when it's time
52 |
My father was extremely hard to please, he expected consistently high level of effort in school and life and a little more! He did love me in his own way but somehow I didn’t feel the love or get it. This had a great impact on my childhood as well as in my teens driving me to fit in and “earn” that love. I’ve gradually grown out of it and learned to be my own person. It is though an uneven journey!
22 |
Not even becoming God will make them happy I'm still perfectionist.
7 |
My dad admired a hard work ethic and always showing up no matter how you feel. It is true now that I’m in my late 20s outworking everyone around me is what drives me. It’s also driven me to burnout several times. So I think we have to becareful too much fulfilling can be a bad thing 😅
32 |
Hahahah, I never wanted to gain their approval. I only was focused on my needs and what makes me grow as a person. I guess I was lucky to think this way. Even though my father was too demanding, I truly never cared and felt I was doing the right thing 😊🎉
1 |
“Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the foundations of the man” Aristotle
15 |
Main was nothing but in my teen hood it was so so much with no love or understanding and then not allowing to do what I wanted
2 |
My mother especially, was one sick .....human being. Dad drunk himself to death. Pork Chop Hill ptsd.
9 |
Hooooof. This hit harder than i expected
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You missed the role a peer group plays... Especially for someone without a strong family dynamic. Learning from peers how unimportant you are would be terrible if your family at home weren't terribly convincing that you were...
12 |
It would be nice if we explored the roles early romantic relationships can play in future behaviour. I can trace back most of my issues to a very very very bad breakup.
1 |
Not all of us were raised by our "birth parents". Adopted people exist. Perhaps you should refer to "families of origin" or "the people who raised us". Even simply "parents" would be more inclusive.
9 |
I call it stupidity. I had to ignore the truth, hurt the innocent, condemn missteps, never learn, never change etc... it can all be summarized as be stupid. My parents and then thus my partners always hated i could be more perceptive than them. The hated that i could see even in their shadow.
1 |
What if our parents were hardcore drug addicts never home and didn’t care if we lived or died?
2 |
Yes, I do dislike some of the laws of yesteryear.🙁
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What if I never tried to get approval and just did what I wanted?
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How to break the destructive cycles when half of the population rails against all types of top down driven solutions? In the end, all we can do is control our own actions and attitudes, perhaps, a heavy dose of stoicism is required from the get go. I think a "10 commandments" of stoicism is more apropos for society than one mandated by Invisible, imaginary, unaccountable sources.
7 |
The real question is:
'How long can, and should, we really spend navel-gaxing about how much life is unfair just for us? The rest of our lives? If not, how can we learn to think of ourselves less, and do more for others - i.e. how can we learn to love, instead of an endless quest for dead-end sympathy, from other people who (like everyone in the world) have suffered greatly too?'
Perhaps this is the point/purpose of Christianity. Just sayin'.
8 |
@puppiestgirl
1 month ago
nothing. there was nothing i could have done. my parents were unpredictable and confusing. there was nothing i could have done to have gotten their approval.
111 |