@1997Gaa

1 month ago

As someone who is on a medication for a sleeping disorder and has a side effect for lack of appetite, while I am already naturally skinny, I am 5'6" and was at 103 lbs before i realized what was causing me to not eat. My joints ached, my body was tired all the time and I was weak. I got this so many times I lost count. It was an uphill battle to gain weight. For 2 years I didnt eat salad or almost any vegetables, only high calorie foods whether that was sweets or avocado. I pushed my body to gain weight. After 2 years, I finally stay around 110/115. I dont gain but I don't loose which is the most important. I still get this comment. Or people saying theyre jealous and need this medication. Most of the time it doesnt get to me anymore, but no, you don't want this. Every. Single. Day. is a battle with food. Always making sure I eat enough to not loose weight, to just survive. Looking at my favorite pasta dish and knowing Im only going to eat a quarter. Having to eat junk sometimes just to get enough calories when all i want to do is eat healthy, but knowing calories right now are more important than healthy diet. Forgetting to eat the whole day or needing my husband to remind me and then not wanting to because im not hungry. Having to eat to the point of feeling like I have to throw up wheb I've only eaten a quarter of a food because I have to live out the "just one more bite" like a child to get enough calories. Having to spend more money on snacks and things because i HAVE to snack during the day because if i dont, i will still eat the same amount at each meal without snacking and will intake much less calories than i burn through a day. Then having to remember to snack, and eat when i AM hungry because i know if i dont, i wont be hungry again for a long time. Not being hungry in general for delicious foods or desserts almost ever. Getting weird looks whenever im with people who dont understand or know about me. Never getting a salad or feeling like people judge me when i ask for anything without the vegetables because im subconsciously thinking they think im just unhealthy, or are jealous i can just eat junk and still be skinny, but i cant eat the vegetables because it takes up too much space in my stomach that i need for higher calorie parts of the dish. YOU DONT WANT THIS. During those 2 years when I was struggling, when I would get these comments or the "are you okay?" "Are you depressed?" Even from the people I love and know that they are saying this out of a place of concerned...it hurt. I AM fine, I know I look unhealthily skinny but it's not because of depression or anorexia, I AM okay, I am working my butt off to gain weight. Please just stop pointing it out to me I beg you. We dont know what people are going through, skinny people could have problems just as much as bigger people. We just dont know. Be nice to everyone and don't mention anything unless you are very close, and are genuinely concern, because even though they may seem annoyed in their response, I DO know those people who love me that asked if I was okay did it because they care and it now gives me comfort.

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