@TheHigherFury

2 months ago

Something I've run into.. Some people cannot tell the difference between gaslighting and advice/warning. Example Girl meets Guy. He seems nice, he seems well intended. He invites girl over to his house for hanging out, totally platonic. Girl calls mom to gush about mister nice man who is inviting her to his house. Mom says HEEEELLLLL NO he just wants sex! Girl says Nuhuh he's nice, he's not like that. Mom hasn't met the guy. So Girl thinks "she's gaslighting me, making me doubt my perception of him" Which... Yes. She absolutely is trying to instill doubt. She's advising her daughter by trying to open her eyes to the likely truth. She's "manipulating" her so that her daughter will stay away from him. But nobody except the guy knows his real intentions, Mom and Girl are both just guessing based on their perceptions. So... Is trying to manipulate someone into seeing your point of view considered gaslighting? It's similar enough to be confusing to some. The difference is in the purpose. Gaslighting is centered on control, on having power over someone. It's about the gaslighter's feelings. They're doing it for their own gain, Emotional or otherwise, at the expense of the target. If you're "manipulating" someone for their own good, their safety, their feelings, especially at cost to yourself, that's advice (or counsel. Or intervention.). In my example, Mom genuinely cares about her daughter's well being and doesn't want her so easily tricked by men. She doesn't know him. But she knows how guys are, and she knows how naive her daughter is. But from the other way around, Girl might think "she just doesn't want me happy, she always gets in the way of my dating life" and it feels like gaslighting.

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