@aminaguo

1 week ago

nine months ago when the movie and song came out, i was living abroad and getting ready to fly back home in a week. there was someone i really liked and spent my time with abroad and we had a wholesome love. the second time we saw each other, he took me to this really beautiful park overlooking the harbour in hong kong and we sat there on a park bench and talked until 3am. so when this song came out, and i was getting ready to leave the city, I walked myself to the park bench we sat at that night and listened to it for hours on repeat. I realized that he mattered more to me than i thought. I thought to myself that i wouldn’t ever want him to walk in the park alone. being with him was the happiest i had felt but also knowing i had to leave made me feel really dreadful and bitter. i resonate with all the lyrics, i didn’t know how to make sense of who i was and what i wanted to do with my life, but i knew i wanted to do it with him. “when did it end, all the enjoyment, i’m sad again, don’t tell my boyfriend” hit me like a truck because no matter how happy i was with him, there was a time bomb going off in the background and it always made me feel scared that i couldn’t enjoy our time together without thinking about how id have to leave, i felt so guilty for leaving to finish school. When i went to the park to listen to this song and get my tears out by the water, he’d be at work. funny enough, i could always see his office building from the park. so there i was crying until the evening each night, and i couldn’t tell him because i didn’t want to remind us or wonder how we will be when i leave. i knew he didn’t want to do the distance. on our last night together before my flight the next morning, i asked to go to the park. it was thundering and raining, we stood under the pier and let the rain pour on us while he watched me cry. he didn’t know what to do about it, but there wasn’t much he or we could do, so we hugged. getting into the taxi to go home that night was one of the most difficult things i’ve had to do. we were frustrated and yelling cause we both didn’t want to leave, i refused to move and kept crying, that made him even more frustrated. he told me to get in the taxi, and we hugged once more. but this time, we were both crying. my head rest against his shoulder and i heard him sniffle, but when i tried to lift my head up to look at him, he refused and kept his hand against my head because he didn’t want me to see him cry. i remember thinking in that moment, that what i was feeling is love, and we didn’t know if we’d ever see each other again. i got in the taxi and the door slammed shut, he turned around and threw his hands up in the air. ten seconds into the taxi ride i thought about asking the driver to stop the car and turn around, i didn’t because i was crying uncontrollably. that was one of my greatest regrets. he had messaged me then saying sorry, not expecting it to be so hard to say goodbye. i didn’t reply to the message till i got out of the taxi. when i replied, he said that he was still at the harbour. i tried to get taxi back to see him, but he said don’t make us go through that again, and went home. i miss him everyday.

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